Just Make Out Already
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Bara beats yaoi any day.


Ben 10, property of Man of Action, disclaimer, do not claim ownership of, etcetera. And I was lying about that summary. They're full of the same baffling and sometimes derogatory clichés.

In a previous excursion, the nefarious Doctor Animo had teamed up with Mr. Clancy, the bug man, to do much bodily harm to a one Ben Tennyson, and possibly his entire family. Or at least the annoying ones who get in the way of their plans for world domination, and, or, destruction. We now resume the events in progress.

"Cool, I'm a giant Judas," Clancy exclaimed while testing out his new scary pincers and icky drool. "Where's that kid with the spoons, I want to beat the crap out of him!"

"Focus, my socially maligned bird of a feather," Doctor Animo encouraged. "We don't have time for messing around. Now is the time to hunt down and murder Ben Tennyson."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot," Clancy said.

"Yes, quite unfortunately, the Judas Breed have short attention spans," Doctor Animo spoke.

"What were we talking about?" Clancy asked.

Doctor Animo sighed.

(Some odd miles away)

Ben and Gwen and Max Tennyson were out enjoying themselves at a local carnival. As usual, Ben was stuffing his face with various unhealthy foodstuffs whist making mischief along the way.

"Hey, Gwen, wanna bet on a game of ring toss? If I win, you have to do all my chores for a week."

"What if I win?" Gwen asked, looking very much agitated.

"I didn't bother to make up a scenario if you win, since you won't, and it doesn't matter," Ben responded with a shrug.

Gwen became furious. "Ben!" She turned away from him, her fists clenched. "I wouldn't play one of those dumb carnival games anyway! Everyone knows they're rigged."

"It's so much easier to blame the game, rather than your lack of skill," Ben laughed. "Fine. I win by default, then."

"You can't do that!" Gwen screamed.

"Watch me!" Ben yelled back.

"Kids, please!" Grandpa Max said as he appeared behind them with corn dogs in each meaty fist. "Can't we go five minutes without you two being at each other's throats?" He groaned.

"But it's comedic tension," Ben said.

"How else would the audience be able to interpret our intense, secret love for each other without it?" Gwen added.

"Wait, what?" Ben muttered, after doing a double take.

"Uh, never mind," Gwen responded sweetly.

"Gross, bugs! Bugs in the cotton candy!" a random person yelled in the distance. Soon legions of carnival goers began to scream, until a chorus of disharmonious din erupted.

"Hey, what's going on ?" Ben asked to no one in particular.

"Let's go check it out," Grandpa Max suggested.

They ran to the pier, where everyone had fled from the odd and very plague-like infestation of various bug species. They were on everything, from the foods, to the ticket booths, to the people themselves.

"Ew, gross! Cockroaches!" Gwen yelled. She stepped back as several dozen advanced towards her shoe.

"Baby," Ben taunted her.

"Something tells me this isn't natural," Grandpa Max observed. "And as we all have come to know, unnatural processions of vermin reek of Doctor Animo's involvement."

"All right, this day became even better. I got to eat a bunch of gross junk, go on rides until I was dizzy, and I get to end the evening kicking Doctor Animo's butt again!" Ben shouted, as he ran blindly into the hailstorm of flying bugs.

"Ben, wait!" Grandpa Max called. He watched Ben ignore the request and vanish into the cloud of bugs. "That kid never listens."

"When the bugs are done eating his flesh, can I have the Omnitrix, Grandpa?" Gwen asked.

Grandpa Max frowned. "No, Gwen. You know things like that aren't meant for girls. There's a fail safe that prevents it from ever working on a female's wrist. You know, like missile silos, and presidencies."

Gwen growled, clenching her teeth, and threw her fists into the air. "Curse you, universal misogyny!"

Deep within the bug perimeter, Ben came face to face with what he at first mistook for a mutant of Doctor Animo's design. And he was partly correct.

"Okay, Doctor Animo, time to watch me kick the crap out of you. Probably literally, since in every other story, you tend to lose control of your bowels for comedic purposes," Ben spoke.

"That's what you think, Ben Tennyson," Doctor Animo's voice spoke, only it hadn't come from the big bug thing standing in front of him now. Doctor Animo instead walked out of a cloud of wasps and flies.

"Hey, who is this freak right here? One of your latest biological failures?" Ben didn't finish the sentence. He was hit in the face by a strong exoskeleton limb. He flew several feet and landed on the hard concrete. "Ow!"

"No, actually, it's one of my rare successes," Doctor Animo responded while laughing evilly. "Scyther, attack!"

Clancy flew at Ben while roaring scarily. Ben turned into Four Arms and beat the shit out of him. Clancy fell into the water a few feet away, leaving Doctor Animo the next in line for an ass whooping.

"Well, that sucked," Doctor Animo said disheartenedly. "But we'll be back, Tennyson, and you will die! Hahahahaha haaa!" He ran away into the cloud of bees and stuff.

"Keep dreaming, Doc!" Ben retorted.

"We'll get him next time," said Grandpa Max.

"Next time? None of these stories follow any continuity," Gwen moaned.

"Shut up, Gwen!" Ben muttered.

And then Gwen was a zombie.

(Not really.)

Epilogue...

"I hate Ben Tennyson so much," Clancy roared angrily as he shook water out of his ear holes. "He's such an overpowered little brat."

"Blame the writers," Doctor Animo said.

"I do," said Clancy.

"One day, we'll get to be competent villains," said Doctor Animo.

"When will that day come?" Clancy moaned in sadness.

"I have no idea...but until that day, we can always make out for no reason, other than fucked up shipping fanon that inevitably infests all things," Doctor Animo suggested.

"Cool," Clancy agreed.

And then they made out.

(End?)


End file.
